In the world of therapy, there’s often this unspoken rule: therapists should maintain a professional distance. We’re taught to keep our personal lives separate from our client interactions, to deflect questions, and to maintain what’s known as “therapeutic neutrality.” And while I respect that traditional approach, it never quite sat right with me.
Why? Because healing, in its truest form, happens when there’s a genuine human connection.
The Problem with "The Wall"
Recently, I came across a post from a fellow therapist who admitted to feeling disconnected from their clients because they felt compelled to put up a wall between their personal and professional selves. They acknowledged how hard it can be when clients never get to see the real them.
This hit home for me, because I was also trained in that same mindset. I remember being taught to avoid personal questions, to question why clients might even ask about my life, and to keep a “safe” emotional distance. But the more I worked with people, the more I realized that this approach—this emotional wall—didn’t allow me to serve my clients in the way they needed most.
The Importance of Being Human in Therapy
Here’s the truth: my clients are human, and so am I. They’re not just walking diagnoses or collections of symptoms; they’re people with dreams, challenges, traumas, and desires. They struggle with feeling alone, misunderstood, overwhelmed. And the one thing they crave is someone who gets it—someone who can relate to their journey on a deep, personal level.
How can I ask my clients to be vulnerable, to open up about their deepest wounds, if I’m hiding behind a wall of professional distance?
I’ve learned that true healing happens when we strip away the masks, both as clients and as healers. My clients don’t need perfection—they need authenticity. They need to know that the person sitting across from them has been through their own struggles and can hold space without judgment. How can I expect for them to be vulnerable with me if I can't do the same?
My Own Journey to Authenticity
As a recovering people pleaser and someone who spent years being a chameleon in different environments, I understand the struggle of not showing up as your authentic self. For a long time, I adjusted myself to fit into roles, to be what I thought people wanted me to be, and it took a toll on my health and happiness. My body spoke to me through psychosomatic symptoms and stress, signaling that something wasn’t aligned.
But as I started to embrace my true self—quarks and all—I noticed that not only did my personal life improve, but my work with clients became more powerful and impactful. I wasn’t just playing a role. I was showing up fully as myself, sharing my experiences, my wisdom, and yes, even my struggles.
And this is what makes my practice, The Soul Compass, different.
I don’t just help my clients heal from a distance—I walk the journey with them. I share my own story so that they know they’re not alone, that they’re not “crazy,” and that healing is possible for them too.
Why Authenticity Matters in the Healing Process
I guess how "real" you can get with clients as a therapist depends on the setting and type of clients you work with. My clients are normal people with life events, trauma, and events they find hard to handle. They are people with dreams that they want to fulfill. When they come to me, they often feel like they’re the only ones struggling. Whether it’s dealing with emotional wounds, navigating their spiritual journey, or trying to align with their true purpose, they feel isolated. They've tried "everything" and got stuck: feeling like a failure, hopeless, and powerless.
But when I show up as my true self—when I share my own journey of overcoming challenges, healing trauma, and stepping into my power—it gives them permission to do the same.
This isn’t about oversharing or making the session about me. It’s about creating a safe space where they know they’re being supported by someone who truly gets it. Someone who has been there, who isn’t judging them from a pedestal, but is right there in the trenches with them, walking side by side on the path to healing.
Light Bulb Moment: A New Kind of Therapy
One of the most pivotal realizations I had was that clients don’t just need therapy—they need connection. They need to feel understood, seen, and heard. Sometimes, all they really need is a hug (which I now, sadly, can only offer virtually). They need to know that the person guiding them isn’t just offering textbook advice, but is sharing from a place of lived experience and empathy.
This is what sets my approach apart. I bring my whole self to every session. And in doing so, I inspire my clients to have the courage to bring their whole selves too.
3 Tips for Clients Seeking a Therapist:
Choose a therapist you resonate with: Don’t just look at credentials. Look for someone whose energy you connect with, who you feel comfortable opening up to. Trust your gut—it’s rarely wrong.
Ask questions: Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist about their approach, their beliefs, or even their personal experiences. It’s important to know if they’ve walked a similar path and can guide you with empathy.
Seek a therapist who is real: Therapists don’t have to be perfect, but they do need to be authentic. Healing is a vulnerable process, and it’s much easier when you’re working with someone who shows up as a fellow human being, not just an expert.
The Shift From "Life Happens to Me" to "Life Happens for Me"
At the core of my work is helping people shift from a victim mindset—where life feels like it’s happening to them—to an empowered mindset where they understand that life is happening for them. This shift is everything. It’s the difference between feeling powerless and taking control of your life.
By helping my clients understand what their body, circumstances, and relationships are trying to communicate, I guide them to see their challenges as opportunities for growth. It’s not about fixing or fighting against life—it’s about alchemizing those experiences into something powerful. And believe me, learning this was no walk in the park for me either!
Your Turn: What Do You Think?
Whether you’re a therapist or a client, I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Do you think it’s important for therapists to show up authentically? How do you feel about the “wall” that often exists between therapist and client? Let’s open up this conversation together.
To your joy, fulfillment, and freedom,
love,
Kinga.
#AuthenticityInTherapy #HealingJourney #HolisticHealing #SoulGuidance #TherapistLife #MentalHealthAwareness #SpiritualAwakening #EmpowerYourself
Comments